Pressure

I feel like the world is thrusting itself onto my shoulders and laughing as my weak stature crumbles beneath its mass.
Why does everything have to be so damn hard? School. Society. Health. Him. It's all overwhelming and I really do wonder how much longer I can just go on saying it'll all be okay, it'll work itself out.
My throat is raw and my back muscles feel like they've been pulverised. I am missing the last two periods of school thanks to my dear boyfriend whose only consistancy is making me feel awful. And on top of that I look forward to a long, lonely weekend.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with him. I try so hard to make him happy but he refuses to talk to me, to open up, to trust me. And I don't know if I can trust him anymore after everything that's occurred in the past one year, six months and 20 days.
Is love really enough to withstand the elements of such a hard, cruel world?

Anyway, I'll stop drilling your brain with my complaints and look on the bright side of things.

It is now just over 3 months before I leave my sleepy little home in Macleod for a 4-week study tour in Europe. It still seems a long way off, but no doubt November 18th will arrive sooner than I expect.

We'll stay mainly in Germany but also Austria and France. I am extremely anxious to try all the delicious German and Austrian food - if Ben's Oma's cooking is anything to go by, those Austrians sure know their 'Essen'. Of course, restaurants are never quite the same as eating at the homemade European feasts, the table set for six and catering for twenty, but when it comes to Wiener Schnitzel with Wiener Kartoffelnsalat and Knödel (that is, for you non-German-speaking folk, Viennese potato salad and dumplings), you simply can't go wrong.

It's all very exciting, so far we've paid $4500 out of something like $8000. I can't wait to go. I've only really been out of Victoria once, for a 5 day school camp in Canberra - which, by the way, was amazing - but this is international!
For 11 days we stay with a host family but for the remainder of the time we're in youth hostels etc. I will be spending some time with Ben's family over there, too; I'm pretty much as big a part of the Prosch family as he is.

Well that's all for now.