Manifestation

My name is Alyssa-Jayne... and I'm an eBayoholic. I seriously think I have an addiction here - there's simply no other explanation as to why I would buy such useless and random items, even at ridiculously expensive prices.
For God's sake, I bought a set of plectrums with world flags printed on them. Why? Because they're limited addition, of course! And for only $10! Wowie! Can you believe it, ten special edition "Flags of the World" guitar picks, and at such a low price? Why would I need guitar picks anyway? Then there's the plethora of too-large second hand band t-shirts from the USA, the vintage style bracelets with old fashioned charms and chunky glass beads and the 20-year-old cherry red Doc Martens.
I need help! Everytime I see something I obviously don't need, I'm compelled to "confirm bid" - after all, somebody will probably outbid me before the auction ends; which is why I run to the computer 10 minutes before to make sure I'm still in the lead, and if I'm not, I'll throw out some insane bid that would make Donald Trump look like a pauper and voila, my new professionally screened and top sewn Darkthrone hoodie is on its way.
Are there eBay addict support groups? Or should I just keep buying til I'm broke and they shut my account? Probably not the best idea, but look at all my pretty new things...
xx

What's happening to me?

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I've been behaving strangely and feeling even stranger - there's some epic conflict going on within me and I'm not even sure what it is but I'm being torn between two sides; do I stay myself, introverted, cold, lonely and adjusted - or do I dare to venture forward into this scary, new realm of social interactions, alcohol and god forbid romance?
Ever since I had my 16th birthday party the tightness has continued to swell in my chest, holding my lungs shut, my throat taut and my head dizzy. It's so completely out of the ordinary - upon being faced with a friendly encounter today, I completely lost my nerve and behaved rudely and obnoxiously - not at all like myself. It seems there are so few people that know the real me, people I am comfortable being around, that now I simply cannot open up to new situations at all. I'm so scared for myself.
I don't know if I want to stay lonely or if I want to risk being hurt again by braving the real world outside my bedroom.
If I believed in God, I'd be praying right now.
Somebody has to save me - I'm so overwhelmed.
:(

Cliché alert!

I can't help but think back to the good old days. It seemed like I didn't have a care in the world - everything was so simple. It pains me deeply that long gone are the days of old when Ben, Justin, Sam, Matt and I would have sleepovers, watch horror movies and mess around.
If only I could turn back time and relive those moments that I took for granted.
Alas, I must move on with my life and start from the beginning; a new life - a new love.
Haha.

xx

Disappointment

Needless to say thanks to my clear title, I am not feeling too swell right now.
My parents decided to rename my kittens - apparently birthday gifts aren't permanent. Fucking Indian givers. I'm so pissed off and hurt.
Whatever. I'm certainly not as fond of whatever the new names are going to be;
apparently Varg is 'Mouse' now and Toki is 'Flea'. Fucking Mouse and Flea... get fucked.

Bye.

Varg Vikernes

Varg Vikernes is the musician my second twin kitten was named after for my birthday. He is the solo member of the music project Burzum, which became prominent in the early Norwegian black metal scene. In 1993 Vikernes was sentenced to 21 years in prison for the murder of fellow musician Øystein Aarseth aka Euronymous of Mayhem and the burning of various churches.
He has also been associated with far right-wing policists and neo-nazi organisations, although has since stated that he is no longer in contact with any national socialist groups or parties.

He may seem an odd person to name a tiny, innocent kitten after, but you must remember that a kitten that seems so innocent and sweet will grow up to be a cat that kills and maims birds, mice and other animals - not for the fulfilment of hunger or energy, but simply because it is in their nature to hunt and to kill. Besides, Vikernes is extremely intelligent, makes great music and well, he's kind of cute and cuddly in a way that only de Sade could appreciate.

Taak.
xx

P.S. And yes, just like Toki, he is Norwegian and used to have long, brown hair; one exception is that his English is near perfect.
P.P.S. I might also add that on top of the difference in language skills, Varg Vikernes is REAL.
P.P.P.S. Still, they're both adorable and have both killed at least one person intentionally.

Toki Wartooth

Toki Wartooth is the guitarist that my parents named one of my two twin kittens for as a birthday gift. He is the underrated and overlooked rhythm guitarist in Dethklok, an American/Scandinavian death metal band based in the United States. Although he spends most of his time in the shadow of Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Dethklok's "lead Swede" and fastest guitarist in the world, Toki is a beautiful musician and person all round.

He is the youngest member of the band and often behaves very childishly, which is emphasized by his poor English skills (Toki had no English experience prior to moving to America due to being raised in a small, abandoned village Lillehammer, Norway by strictly religious parents - one of his major language problems is that he tends to pluralise incorrectly).

Although most of the time he behaves in a very innocent and naive manner, Toki has a darker side which is considered the most shockingly violent of all the band members (despite apparently doing no illicit drugs and drinking far less than his bandmates). It has also been theorized that those who become close to Toki all suffer horrible deaths or at least frequent violence - a little sick girl and his father most notably.

Ha det bra.
xx