I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I've been behaving strangely and feeling even stranger - there's some epic conflict going on within me and I'm not even sure what it is but I'm being torn between two sides; do I stay myself, introverted, cold, lonely and adjusted - or do I dare to venture forward into this scary, new realm of social interactions, alcohol and god forbid romance?
Ever since I had my 16th birthday party the tightness has continued to swell in my chest, holding my lungs shut, my throat taut and my head dizzy. It's so completely out of the ordinary - upon being faced with a friendly encounter today, I completely lost my nerve and behaved rudely and obnoxiously - not at all like myself. It seems there are so few people that know the real me, people I am comfortable being around, that now I simply cannot open up to new situations at all. I'm so scared for myself.
I don't know if I want to stay lonely or if I want to risk being hurt again by braving the real world outside my bedroom.
If I believed in God, I'd be praying right now.
Somebody has to save me - I'm so overwhelmed.
:(
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