Whats in die names of Odin?

I was selected to be in the only 10 students in Melbourne to undertake the forensic science program in May.

Why me? Should I feel as though I'm special or intelligent or even alright at biology, since I, Alyssa, have been chosen to participate in this spectacular event? I don't feel adequate, I feel overrated and underused, pointless and pathetic, but it seems I'm the only one who can admit it. I am given higher grades than my work deserves because examiners take pity on the desperate, depressed waste of space that is me. They see the need in my eyes, they can hear the pleading tone in my voice, and they watch as the pressure and inner pain of knowing I'll never be good enough washes over me each and every time I attempt to create a piece of work worthy of a "satisfactory".

I sometimes wish I could turn back time so that maybe I wouldn't be such a dreadful excuse waste of time, life and resources - unfortunately, I have so far been unsuccessful in finding a way to do that, too. I'm unsuccessful in everything I try.

I can't even starve myself for more than a week without giving in and eating a whole sandwich in one sitting. There are people out there who never eat, and here I am having breakfast up to 3 times a week and so-called "healthy choices" for dinner every single night. I even ate at recess and lunch yesterday. It made me feel sick. To be completely fair to myself, my parents force me to eat breakfast and dinner. But that's not the point. The point is I should weigh 45kg and I weigh over 60kg. It makes me want to die.

I can't get anything right. I'm such a useless beast. I can't even listen to the right music or buy the right things on eBay. I already broke the chain on the necklace Marko sent me for my birthday - it was a beautiful silver chain with Odin's two ravens, Huginn and Muninn on either side of four small beads representing dawn, dusk, thunder and lightning, with Thor's hammer directly in the centre. I loved it so much that I was afraid I would break the chain as it was so delicate, and I did break it by falling asleep in it last night. I didn't lose any of the pieces but that isn't the point. The point is that I'm a failure and a disappointment who doesn't deserve to have people's attention or affection.

I hope I rot.