Otherside

This time in ten days I will be flying across Australia towards Seoul, Korea. When we get there, I will breathe my first overseas breath. I will take my first step on foreign ground. And I will speak my first foreign word. I am, as yet, unborn to the world outside this southern, island land. Let's hope life on the other side of the planet is more bearable than this one.

Learn from experience

Artificial lungs breathe deep breaths
Filling up this chest of emptiness
Leave me alone
'Cause I'm dying to be on my own

Welcome to the end of time
Pacing back and forth in my own mind
Terrors in the night
I refuse to lose this fight

Leave me alone
I can't play this game
After all these solemn tears
Get out of my way
I'll never be the same
As I was two years ago

I learned so much from mistakes
Learned how easy hearts can break
Break this chain
'Cause I'm sick of the fucking pain

Leave me alone
I can't play this game
After all these solemn tears
Get out of my way
I'll never be the same
As I was two years ago

Running home on frosty grass
Skipping stones through my own past
Leaving bread crumb trails behind
And this is what I come to find

Leave me alone
I can't play your game
No not after this
Get out of my way
I'll never be the same girl
Never again
Never, never

Leave me alone
I can't play this game
After all these solemn tears
Get out of my way
I'll never be the same
As I was two years ago
As I was two years ago
Never

Sharpened scraps

I saw my specialist yesterday. He was rather nice. I spoke to him about my general thigs in my life - now and in the past. I nearly cried a few times but I held back.
I think, as a whole, the session went reasonably well. I am going to see him the Tuesday after next, a few days before I leave for Germany.

Goodnight.

Stronger

Today it is exactly 2 weeks until I fly to Germany and only a little longer until I see Sam and meet Natali, my exchange partner.
Today is also my first session with Dr. Don Bornstein, my analyst and counsellor.

I'm nervous, because since we made the appointment I have grown much stronger in my situation and I don't think that I need anymore help than I've already given myself.
However I will go and see what happens; there is a chance he will say I am fine and send me on my way, after all, and that would surely please everybody.

Tonight or tomorrow I am going to make gingerbread for my German gingerbread house.
I will post pictures of the delightful creation when it is complete - even if it is a complete disaster - so don't have high expectations... those of you were were in my Years 8 and 9 cooking class know what I mean.

Bring it on, baking powder.

The sound of breaking up

Why is it that when we have something, we disregard it as a given and ignore its beauty until finally it is lost and we feel empty?

As my father put it, our lives are like our arms rounded in front of us with our hands clasped together to form a bubble. When you meet someone you think is special, you let them fill up your life bubble so that your arms are stretched out as far as they can go. But when they leave, everything else that used to fill your life has slowly slipped away from you, and your life bubble is left hollow, giving us only hurt and memories of a time when we were so fulfilled.

Maybe we are destined to forever revel in what is lost or what is yet to be, never accepting and appreciating the now. Perhaps when we find something to fill us again, we will regret giving up the alone time. Perhaps it is truly impossible to satisfy man's carnal hunger for more than what is.

I hope one day I am satisfied.

So fresh

Today I stumbled across my old CD collection, a variety of my mother's 70's and 80's albums and my own discs, including some pop, rock and rap and of course the So Fresh albums we bought every year - say hello to my childhood memories.

It's so peculiar to listen to the songs that made me cry when I was 8 and what I thought when I heard them, and to think how much my life has changed since then. I thought everything was such a disaster, and oh hey this is the song that has been on Michael Hill commercials in the past few years! I never would have realised. As I was saying, breaking up with my boyfriend of what seemed like forever was the end of the world. It took me nearly three years to get over him!

But I also see myself dancing to these songs in front of my class, unashamed and beautiful. A slim, blonde and blue-eyed beauty. Boy did I throw all that away.

And I've never been prouder.

Gods of football

Happy first of November everyone. I can hardly believe that this month I will be zipping through the air for the first time ever and what a better landing than one in Germany. But let's get on with the blog.

As some of you may know, Gods of Football is a cross-code team featuring some of Australia's most elite AFL and NRL players. The team's purpose is to showcase Australia's most attractive sportsmen in a delightful blend of sport, style and sex, while supporting charity. Only the publicly voted best-looking players or winners of the Sexiest Man in League competitions are eligible to join the Gods of Football.

Gods of Football has launched a series of fundraising merchandise which will benefit the McGrath Foundation breast cancer charity. The first product, a classy nude calendar photographed by Pedro Virgil, was released on the 26th of September.

Some of the members of Gods of Football include Brett Stewart, Nathanael Barnes, Andrew Welsh and Chris Johnson.

I guess this popped up right on time for the Hot Guy Board!